Enough is enough...

It's all come to a head. Just let rip at Sharon about everything, because I just can't take anymore and really feel at the end of my tether. It may not have been the most constructive thing to do, but it's been coming for some time.

So, I told her. I unloaded on her. No punches pulled, just full flight. Everything that has been niggling, every ounce of hurt, anger, fear and confusion thrown in one huge mess. She repeatedly took offense at everything I said when I tried to sensibly raise the issue of how we have been communicating lately and after a few unnecessary comments and total denial, anger and defensive retorts, I lost my temper and let rip

She keeps asking me, "who do I think I am?" when I ask her to try to maintain a civil tone of voice, and saying how "outrageous" some of my comments have been lately, so I threw it back.

Three nights ago, she said I was selfish. Selfish? No f**king way am I selfish. I am the only one whos has been there, every hospital appointment, every treatment, every sleepless night, every tear, every rant and rave! Selfish, I think not. So I told her.

On Saturday, I was trying to keep out of her way and get 10 minutes peace and quiet. She said to me "All I ever see you do is lay around on MY bed!" - Oh really? That's when I am not at the hospital, sitting with her at night when she can't sleep, or when I'm not doing housework, or cooking meals, or trying to make her more comfortable, not to mention trying to hold down a job, and make sure we are all generally ok. So, she's wrong. So I told her.

So, I am now the biggest shit in the world. She has gone to Radiotherapy on her own. I said some really harsh things, so it's dead. It's done. Over. She has told me to "get the f**k out of her house", and thinks that I am totally out of order. So, that's it. I've tried everything. I just said to her - "If there is an us, tell me, if not, tell me. I can take any of this, but not if there is no US"

This may all seem really petty to casual readers, but believe me, when you are living someone who seems totaaly incapable of speaking to you in a civil tone of voice, who is constantly critical of your every move, and is constantly rude insulting and abusive, it soon becomes impossible to take, no matter what the circumstances. Sharon may have Cancer - surely it does'nt give her the right to treat me like s**t. It would be more bearable if she had the same attitude with everyone, but it's just me. Because I am the only one who knows. The only one there. The only one she can lash out at. Or perhaps I'm just not coping with it myself. Who knows, right now - I've had enough.