Thursday, April 19, 2007

Trying to deal with the fear...

Sharon called me at work yesterday morning. She was crying. She'd just opened a letter from the hospital, saying an appointment had been made for her to see the specialist on Friday. So, it looks like the cancer has returned, as the specialist said we would not need to go back to the hospital for 2 months, unless anything abnormal showed up on the CT Scan results.

As soon as she told me, I turned off my laptop and rushed to get the first train back to Fareham. I felt so helpless hearing her cry and being nearly 3 hours away, and not being able to hold her when she needed it.

Today has been really hard, trying to be optimistic, trying to make light of the situation, and all the while dreading what the doctor is going to tell us tomorrow. I think the worst part is seeing her cry. Sharon has not really cried at all since her diagnosis 9 months ago, but today, it seems that all she can do is cry. It's heartbreaking. She is so strong, so courageous, and usually so tough, that to see her so upset is almost impossible to deal with. There is nothing I can do for her but listen and be there. I feel so helpless.

She's now laying next to me, sound asleep, which should do her good. I just pray she gets a good nights sleep. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, other than having to sit, feeling sick, in the waiting room, until called into the consultation room with the specialist and watching her be thrown back into the storm.

Please, let it be that the results aren't that bad, that there is still hope. Please.



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