I have spent the last 12 days drunk. I miss her so much. She was the centre of my universe from the day we met, and even more so for the last year as I have walked beside her, helping her fight the cancer.
And now, she's gone. I'm trying to cope, but I am just devastated. For the last year I have been trying to keep her spirits up saying things like "come on babe, just get well, then we can get married, move into a new house and have nice things", and "hang in there princess, you can beat this...it's all going to be alright", and to be honest, although I knew deep down that I would lose her, I just could'nt lose hope.
But now, there is no hope. No Sharon, nothing is left, just wreckage.
I walked with her as far as I could, but in the end, she had to go. I know that. I know she gave it her best shot - WE gave it our best shot, but it was just bigger than both of us.
No more pain, no more suffering for my princess
Now, I am trying to carry on for her, for her boys, my step sons. We gave her a good send-off. Over 100 people attended her funeral and a good 60 people came to the wake. We had a huge party, to celebrate her life and remember the love and laughter she brought to our lives.
In her will, she asked me to be Lewis' guardian until he is old enough to stand on his own two feet, and I promised her before she died I would look after both her sons as if they were my own. I made my commitment to all three of them, not just her, and now she has died, that commitment still stands. I don't know how, but somehow, the three men in her life wil muddle through without her. It's what she wanted.
I will continue to post on this blog as we move forward, as I'm sure sometimes I will need to get stuff off of my chest.
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