18 months on

Well, it's been 18 months now since Sharon passed away. It's been hard. VERY hard at times. Coming to terms with her death, while trying to get back into the swing of things with friends, family and work, not to mention trying to dig myself out of the financial hole that Sharon's illness left behind. But slowly but surely, we're getting there. The boys have been hard work sometimes, at one point I came close to saying "F**k it, you're on your own fellas", due to their selfishness and not contributing, but things are improving, and after all, they are youngsters, with no clue of the real world. Sharon left them in my charge, so it's up to me to show them how to take care of themselves and grow up.

It was Lewis' 18th yesterday. A bit of a sad day, as I remember the way Sharon would spoil you if it was your birthday. If you were birthday boy, you were king for a day. I tried to spoil him, but it's not the same is it. I'm very proud of young Lewis though. Considering the crap he's been through, he's shaping up into a fine young man. Now all he really needs is to get a job!

I've also made a start at having contact with MY son, and I am hoping to rebuild trust with his mother so I can be his dad properly. I made some difficult choices during Sharon's illness, and now I'm starting to pick up the pieces and make things right with those who felt I neglected them while I was caring for Sharon.

So, the healing process continues. I still have black days, when all I can think about is Sharon and what I have lost. But, more often these days, I am rebuilding, moving forward. I know that's what she would have wanted.